Why does "THIS" seem so hard?

THIS... can and will be something different to everyone.

For you, THIS may be struggling with nutrition and finding the right balance for you, or it is finding the time forgetting the right amount of exercise in - daily, weekly, monthly. Maybe you had a setback in your life (it is 2020 so...) and you are trying to get back on track with what normal was before THIS happened to you. What if THIS was just trying to make it through each day by doing your best, just trying to live and keep going. Let me just say, and I am sure that you have heard it from every other angle before, the struggle [of THIS] is SO real and I empathize with you. No two people have the same struggles or experiences, even if we are living with the same situation. As much as we would like to act like we know how the other person is feeling, and what they are going thru, the truth of the matter is We Have No Clue! One thing could be easy for you to manage but very difficult for the next person.

In creating this blog I want to be transparent with my life, which I have found helps me tremendously when others have been transparent with me.

With that said, some of my struggles include (but not limited to):

**Proper nutrition and making sure I am fueling my body correctly, This Is HUGE for me - old habits and stress tend to take over. I have kids and a husband, and most of the time they seem to look at me sideways for wanting to make them eat "healthy".

**Allowing myself time for adequate care of myself - spiritually, mentally, and emotionally - I always say "I can do that tomorrow! [devotions, meditate, relax with a book]" and then tomorrow keeps slipping further and further away.

**Letting my anxiety take over and letting guilt, confusion, misunderstandings, stress, and many more things take over my thoughts; until it paralyzes me and I want to retreat inside myself.

**Taking on the burdens of the whole family - husband, daughters, parents, grandparents, etc. - and assuming that I am supposed to be the one that fixes the problems because, hey, I'm MOM and that's what is expected, right? Wrong - they are all old enough to figure it out...maybe..?

And...right in the midst of all of these struggles, I always ALWAYS 2nd guess myself, compare myself to others, and lose sight of the strides I have made or the obstacles that I have overcome.

Most recently I have come to learn that my struggles are a deeply routed lie that I continue to believe about myself. I have always thought that I was "2nd best" in most everything in my life, so why would anyone else see me any differently?

**2nd best in sports - 2nd best in school - 2nd best at my job - 2nd best as a friend - 2nd best as a daughter (or sister or mother), and more. I felt unworthy, I felt invisible most of my life, I felt like "why should I try to stand out, nobody cares anyways!" But those are all lies; all wounded parts of myself that I used as a cover up (and sometimes still do) to stay in a comfortable place and not bring any attention my way. Because for one - I didn't want bad attention and two - what if I got laughed at or shot down, what if I made a fool of myself?

But my faith in Christ and my knowledge of Who I am meant to be helps me to navigate my way through each day. There are still struggles - there always will be. There are still new seasons of life that bring about heartache, but so many more that will continue to bring about joy. And learning to give myself some grace and understanding to know that I am NOT alone (can I get an AMEN?) helps to push past those hardships.

I know now I am not 2nd best. I know now that I was (and continue to be) meant for so much more. I know now...that I have women and friends along side of me, going thru there own struggles just hoping and praying that someone will reach out and say "I See YOU!"

Love you all, keep your head up, and know that "this to shall pass"!